One word for how I feel: PANICKED

panicked. Function: verb Inflected Form(s): pan·icked
1: to affect with panic
2 : to cause to laugh uproariously


This is how I feel. I feel the first one... not the second one. Why? Why or why!!??

Today is Saturday May 8th. It is the day of not one, but TWO baby showers. One of one I am in commissioned for and the other which is for my new ward. That means I don't know anyone. Its like when you are back in grade school and its the first day of school and the bell rings for lunch. Where do you sit? Who do you sit by?  Yep, its that feeling all over again. As an adult. So it's 100 times worse. Maybe even 1000 times.

But if that were all I would not be "affected with panic". I would be normal. Well, as normal as a still hormonal woman of a toddler can be I suppose. (And I was a little crazy BEFORE I gave birth)

Tomorrow the hubbs and I are speaking in church. Yup, your truly and my main squeeze will be speaking to the congregation on Mothers day. (i know, i laughed too)

Topics? "And upon the Handmaidens of the Lord" and Mothers and Daughters. Here and here

I really enjoy public speaking. I enjoy meeting new people. I enjoy planning parties. But I will admit that all three within an 18hr period is a lot. A. LOT.

But because I am a mom and a wife and yours truly, I will handle it all. And I will make it look effortless.
And here is to you. To all the moms and women who want to be moms and who step in as moms for those who are without. It is you who I think about and it is you who help me to not feel so panicked.
........................................................
poem found here
Before I was a Mom -
I slept as late as I wanted and never worried about how late I got into bed. I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.

Before I was a Mom -
I cleaned my house each day. I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby. I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous. I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom -
I had never been puked on - Pooped on - Spit on - Chewed on, or Peed on. I had complete control of my mind and My thoughts. I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom -
I never held down a screaming child so that doctors could do tests...or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried. I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin. I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom -
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down. I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt. I never knew that something so small could affect my life
so much. I never knew that I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom -
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body. I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child. I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important.

Before I was a Mom -
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay. I had never known The warmth, The joy, The love, The heartache, The wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom. I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom.